I really like this movie. It is very romantic and funny and cute. The idea of having only one person you are supposed to be with is such a popular idea in our culture. A soul-mate. When I examine this idea closer though it scares me. I am so glad that I do not subscribe to this theory. Just think about it for a minute. If there was only one person on this planet for you, how could you ever be guaranteed to find him? What if he died doing something he shouldn't have done? What if he didn't know he had a soul-mate out there and married someone else? How are you ever going to be happy with anyone worrying about that soul-mate out there waiting for you? I think this idea can kill good marriages. Here is how I think it can happen:
A woman believes there is only one person that could make her completely happy and marries, thinking she has found that person. They are happy for a few years, then some serious conflicts present themselves. Maybe the catalyst is the loss of a job or some illness. The woman is not as happy all the time as she was when she was first married. She begins thinking that maybe this man was not really her soul-mate and that he is still out there somewhere. She tries to make her marriage work, but this idea has taken hold and now she believes that someone else would make her happier. The marriage falls apart.
Now I realize that it is also possible that someone who doesn't believe in a soul-mate could think "many people can make me happy, this person no longer does so I might as well leave him and find someone else". I just think that the Hollywood ideal of a perfect soul-mate does more damage in this department coupled with the disregard for the importance of marriage. I prefer to believe that there are several people that I could have been happy with if I had chosen differently. I made my choice and married a man I loved. I am happy and will continue to be happy. I have now made this man my soul-mate and do not want to marry anyone else. I know that in order to remain happy I need to work hard in my relationship to support my husband and help our friendship and love grow. If problems arise I know that problems would have occurred with anyone I had married and that some mythical one perfect match is not out there. As my husband and my relationship grows we become the perfect match for each other. This kind of relationship is developed through work, time, care, and love. It isn't some happenchance of fate that determines if a relationship will last.
This is my view anyway. I find it comforting to know that I control my own fate in this way and that my happiness in love is not dependent upon the chance of finding one person out of a few billion.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Annoyances
Is anyone out there one of those people that drag her heels in harder when someone "encourages" her to do something she knows she should do? I am that type of person. I want to write a book. I have started writing one many times. I have a general idea of the direction the plot will take. I have 3 versions of the first two pages. I have some character outlines. I have not worked on the book in 6 months. I think I am afraid. No one can make me write it, and people reminding me I should be writing it does not help. It is annoying!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Defensive
So I am a very bad blogger. Hopefully that will change now that I have moved my computer downstairs so I can type after my kids go to sleep. I just can't seem to enjoy typing a long entry with one hand. It just takes too long.
I went to a barbecue a few weeks ago at a friend's house. I play basketball with her and some other women a few times a week, our kids come and run around with each other and we all get some exercise. The barbecue was good fun. I told my sister about it and some of the things we did, and she commented that my friend must be rich. She probably is well off but this comment launched me into full defensive mode. "She might have money, but they don't throw it away on things, and her kids don't get everything they want, and they have old things . . ." are a few of my answers. Of course my sister points out that I got defensive and did not need to.
So why did I get defensive? Why feel the need to defend her just because she might have money? My sister does sometimes make comments about spoiled rich people, but I don't think this was what I was thinking when I started making defensive remarks. What is wrong with having money? I have thought about this and realize nothing is wrong with having money. It is how a person chooses to spend it and treat it that can be off putting. I see on television celebrities wasting thousands of dollars on hair-cuts, manicures, alcoholic beverages, and other things. Images of perfectly manicured men and women in polos and khakis sitting around in fancy country clubs exist in many media forms. I just have this image of snobby people in designer clothes playing all day and casually spending money on leisure items because it means nothing to them. I have seen children with no concept of monetary value because they have been given everything they ever wanted without effort.
I don't think I was jealous of these types of wealthy people when I was younger. I think I was, and still am, frustrated by them. How can anyone think it is a good thing to give a child anything he wants without work on his part? What lessons does that teach a child? Why should someone
spend a fortune on houses, cars, and clothing just because he can? I know of no person that needs a 10,000 + sq ft. house. Most people don't even need half that. Maybe one fancy car is excusable, but 4 or 5 cars that cost $50,000 or more? I often think about how much good the extra money spent on these superfluous things could do if donated to some charity. Most people deserve a few "fun" items to spend extra money on but when these fun things use up gobs of money I feel it is excessive.
Now I know all wealthy people don't do these things. Many hate to waste money and by from discount stores and even use previously owned items. Many donate a significant portion of their income to charity. Many affluent people have perfectly well behaved and brought up children who have learned to work for what they want. I wish I could remember this image and get rid of the stigma that I carry about wealthy people. The funny thing is that my parents would be considered wealthy by many, and once my husband finishes school and has a job, we also will have what some would consider a large income. And the stigma is so strong I was about to type how the amount he will probably make isn't really very much in today's world. Why does it matter to me what some people will think of me just because I have money? Why do people think that of the affluent just because of a number on their bank statements? This kind of thinking isn't much different than other more villainised forms of prejudice. Maybe if our culture viewed the non-celebrity wealthy as a more positive part of society more children would grow up to attain a similar social status. I am not suggesting that people are poor because they hate the rich, but that some people possible choose not to work hard and openly strive to make a better living for themselves because they fear ostracizing from their current circle of friends.
What do you think about this? Is my post completely confusing? It is really late and I might not have expressed myself in the best way possible but hopefully this will at least spark some interesting thoughts and maybe some discussion if I can attract anyone to read my blog. Hopefully my writing gets better as time goes on. I like to blame my slow thought process on my mommy brain. My mind works slower now and I am trying to work hard to get it back up to speed. Help me out by arguing with me now! I like it.
I went to a barbecue a few weeks ago at a friend's house. I play basketball with her and some other women a few times a week, our kids come and run around with each other and we all get some exercise. The barbecue was good fun. I told my sister about it and some of the things we did, and she commented that my friend must be rich. She probably is well off but this comment launched me into full defensive mode. "She might have money, but they don't throw it away on things, and her kids don't get everything they want, and they have old things . . ." are a few of my answers. Of course my sister points out that I got defensive and did not need to.
So why did I get defensive? Why feel the need to defend her just because she might have money? My sister does sometimes make comments about spoiled rich people, but I don't think this was what I was thinking when I started making defensive remarks. What is wrong with having money? I have thought about this and realize nothing is wrong with having money. It is how a person chooses to spend it and treat it that can be off putting. I see on television celebrities wasting thousands of dollars on hair-cuts, manicures, alcoholic beverages, and other things. Images of perfectly manicured men and women in polos and khakis sitting around in fancy country clubs exist in many media forms. I just have this image of snobby people in designer clothes playing all day and casually spending money on leisure items because it means nothing to them. I have seen children with no concept of monetary value because they have been given everything they ever wanted without effort.
I don't think I was jealous of these types of wealthy people when I was younger. I think I was, and still am, frustrated by them. How can anyone think it is a good thing to give a child anything he wants without work on his part? What lessons does that teach a child? Why should someone
spend a fortune on houses, cars, and clothing just because he can? I know of no person that needs a 10,000 + sq ft. house. Most people don't even need half that. Maybe one fancy car is excusable, but 4 or 5 cars that cost $50,000 or more? I often think about how much good the extra money spent on these superfluous things could do if donated to some charity. Most people deserve a few "fun" items to spend extra money on but when these fun things use up gobs of money I feel it is excessive.
Now I know all wealthy people don't do these things. Many hate to waste money and by from discount stores and even use previously owned items. Many donate a significant portion of their income to charity. Many affluent people have perfectly well behaved and brought up children who have learned to work for what they want. I wish I could remember this image and get rid of the stigma that I carry about wealthy people. The funny thing is that my parents would be considered wealthy by many, and once my husband finishes school and has a job, we also will have what some would consider a large income. And the stigma is so strong I was about to type how the amount he will probably make isn't really very much in today's world. Why does it matter to me what some people will think of me just because I have money? Why do people think that of the affluent just because of a number on their bank statements? This kind of thinking isn't much different than other more villainised forms of prejudice. Maybe if our culture viewed the non-celebrity wealthy as a more positive part of society more children would grow up to attain a similar social status. I am not suggesting that people are poor because they hate the rich, but that some people possible choose not to work hard and openly strive to make a better living for themselves because they fear ostracizing from their current circle of friends.
What do you think about this? Is my post completely confusing? It is really late and I might not have expressed myself in the best way possible but hopefully this will at least spark some interesting thoughts and maybe some discussion if I can attract anyone to read my blog. Hopefully my writing gets better as time goes on. I like to blame my slow thought process on my mommy brain. My mind works slower now and I am trying to work hard to get it back up to speed. Help me out by arguing with me now! I like it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)